My conflict with work and what I want to be doing (for work) has gotten stronger since around a month. I tried some product work for a few weeks which unfortunately made me realise that’s not an option that’s much better than my current (engineering) role. And since I’d told myself that I’ll try out as much as I can in tech itself before deciding whether or not to jump ship, the realisation has been (mildly) unwelcome. I think I was hoping to like this more, in which case I wouldn’t have had to go through a harder process of potentially switching fields.
But the reason I started writing this today is the thought around “focus”. I’ve been wanting to buy a keyboard (piano) for a while because I’d started learning it around a year ago, but when I moved I didn’t bring it with me, and until now I haven’t had the free time to really think about this. But I recently realised that I’ve been pushing off buying one because lately I’ve started caring more about being focused. Because I’ve been thinking that if I do want to pursue any form of art as a career, shouldn’t I be focused towards it? But then.. I think, if pursuing art as a career means restricting myself in all these ways, is it even worth it?
Of course, my “focus” assumption could be wrong. Or the way I’m going about it. I probably need to talk to actual people who’re pursuing art to know more about this. Ie whether they find themselves restricting themselves in some ways in order to be focused with their job / career. But if the assumption isn’t wild, then it’s worth taking a step back.
I think freelancing (where you get to experiment with different kinds of jobs from time to time) would be really cool. Of course, at a cost – potentially, conventional success (??) but maybe that’s a cost I might be okay with.
Anyway, I just realised I haven’t posted for over a month but writing right now made me feel good. It’s good to have some of the things that almost always feel nice, helpful and safe.
Some updates since I last shared a post:
- Finally had a first session with a new therapist (scheduling was being an absolute pain) and I like her so I’m going to do a few more sessions. But so glad that this is kicking off again. I haven’t had a regular therapist since February and it’s been well, not ideal.
- Recently started getting into painting a little bit and it’s been a blast. Thoroughly enjoying it.
- Winters hasn’t completely taken over yet and I’m so grateful, hoping for a similar trend throughout November.
Anyway that’s all folks. If you have advice related to my career confusions, let me have it!
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