Starting these again. I haven’t been writing as much as I want to and I know for sure it’s because I stopped doing these. Substack just doesn’t suffice because I feel like I want to post only specific kinds of pieces over there. I do need a space to just word-vomit, really, can’t go around calling it anything else.
Have been feeling a bit unfulfilled and dissatisfied with the work (or the lack thereof) in life lately. I’m not sure what direction to take.. I’ve shortlisted a few volunteering opportunities, maybe will apply for some this week.
I know I don’t want to solve “tech problems”. I’ve always wanted to solve (or contribute to solving) real world problems. (Not to say that “tech problems” aren’t “real”, of course, but I hope it’s clear that I’m referring to more general problems).
Solving said problems “through tech” is what I used to think I was okay with, but at some point that road started to feel closed up as well. I drove back to a point where I kept a marker, knowing I can come back and venture down this road again if I wanted to, but hoping I wouldn’t have to. I’m on another path now, a path that may still intersect with the path I’ve left.. but for now I’m not exactly sure where to go. I hope volunteering and internships do make sense for now, because it’s probably like hitchhiking or relying on other people for direction. Of course, this world FEELS quite different and vast, but I have to think of myself as probably being a second or third year student in college, I’ve to rely a lot on other people, probably. It’s much easier to do all this when you’re a student, you have more of a beginners mindset, it’s easier to admit you’re scared, etc. But I think I need to continue to do this for now, once again. And I imagine you have to keep doing this repeatedly, for different aspects of life, so I suppose the skill is worth building too.
I trust that I have some sort of life experience to help me, I’m not starting from scratch completely, in a way, but I really need to commit to action— regular, incremental action, otherwise I’m afraid all that experience will kind of evaporate into thin air as well.
Also, it’s important for me to remember that when I do even a single fun, fulfilling activity in a day, it becomes easier for me to do a couple more. My “lazy brain” often makes me believe I can’t do much in a day. In the face of the fear of “pushing myself”, I sometimes end up doing nothing at all.
Of course, I need to be more intentional with routines, diet and exercise to attempt to do all these things that I need to, want to do. I have support too, and I want to find ways to use it.
Yeah that’s it I suppose. Feeling better. Hope you’re all having a good August! xx
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