I think I’m still wired to the “productivity” bug / capitalist lens. Maybe that’s okay to an extent, I know I don’t have to question every impulse all the time. But also there is clearly something that makes me question this particular impulse. I’m in California and jet lagged, but now that it’s 6 am— I felt like I couldn’t just lay in bed and “not sleep” anymore. Felt like I had to get up and do something.
Anyway, now that I’ve acknowledged that, I’m going to allow myself to give in to this impulse (conditioned or otherwise). I haven’t journaled in a couple days so this is important too.
Parents and I are visiting sister and brother in law here in San Diego! Very exciting, very nourishing. (very demure, lol). The journey was hella long and I was almost questioning whether all of it is worth it or not.. but that feeling did evaporate as soon as I landed. I still don’t have a verdict, ie I’m still not saying that “it is worth it”, but it might be. We’ll see.
One of my parents is very controlling and I’m learning to live with that again. I end up being quite overstimulated after half / three quarters of a day and I’m also learning to live with that.
The light, the sun, the weather, the peace otherwise is quite amazing. Landing in San Francisco felt like a reunion of sorts, I did feel quite a bit “at home”. Of course, more in this feeling after the trip is complete.
I was quite dreading the three weeks apart from Y but I’m feeling like it’s going to be doable, at least for me. I hope it’s not too crazy for her either.
I’m carrying my camera this time too (after many, many trips!) and kind of exciting to go out and get some good pictures from that too. Some of my best pictures ever have been from California and I hope maybe I can get something cool again.
I’ve realised that being interrupted and being “spoken for” are really big pet peeves (triggers?) for me and it’s something that I will at some point need to communicate to the people who are in my life (especially the ones who aren’t mindful about not doing this). But there are two specific people with whom it’s also not easy to communicate certain things.
I do feel like I have the bandwidth to do “other” things. What other things though, I’m not very sure. That’s the whole problem I suppose. I do need to go out for a walk too— been kind of indoors for around 36 hours…
Anyway, kind of struggling to get to 500 words right now, so I’ll suppose I’ll stop. Might even be worth thinking about whether I’m still running behind word-count, or can I afford to “challenge” myself in different ways when it comes to this too. But more on that later.
Happy august! xx
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