Category: culture

099a – reflective

Haven’t written for over a week. It’s been a decent one, for the most parts. Delhi summers is quite exhausting, however. Not sure how I feel about the coming two months. Realised today that my house lease ends sooner than I thought so that’s something I need to process, and then I also need to take some time out to decide whether or not I want to look for work anytime soon. I don’t know if I can handle (or cope with) two big rocks on my head. 

Going to hang with friends tonight, looking forward to it, been a while. Have some friends visiting next week and also have a weekend trip planned towards the end of the month. Looking forward to both these things. 

Relationship stuff has been pretty smooth so far, quite happy and grateful about that, don’t want to take that lightly. 

My back has been aching for the whole week now— not sure I slept weird or whether it’s the age that’s starting to show up (haha). (Feel stupid to even laugh at this because part of me doesn’t want to make age-based jokes and part of me is genuinely worried whether age-based issues are going to start bothering me at this very (in many ways) young age. 

I think I’m going to take out some time over the weekend and set some intentions for May! Feeling kind of excited about it so I’d love to make use of the energy.

Stopped writing this last night because I didn’t have a lot of time, but back at it today morning. Had a great night, unexpectedly fulfilling actually. 

Woke up feeling a bit reflective today morning for some reason, and it made me realise that these days I feel like I have more memories already in my head (or my body or my heart, whatever) that I feel like I don’t have the space to go out and make new ones. I was talking to my sister on the phone the other day and she was sharing some memories of us from back when I was 2 or 3 (I had asked her if she remembers anything) and really, it was quite overwhelming (in a good way though). [Sidebar: I’m trying to find a word for this—ie overwhelming but in a good way but I can’t.] 

The general theme from yesterday seems to be documentation and preservation. Even with the folks I hung out with, we were actually exchanging a lot of stories from our pasts. 

This week I also complete a year to having moved from Amsterdam to Delhi. I hope I can find some time to reflect upon it all. 

Of course, documentation ties this post up nicely too. Happy to be doing this, happy to be making notes. Happy to preserve and document and reflect on here so I can continue to make more memories, ie live more and live as much as I can. 

Happy May, folks! xx 

098b – denial, dreams, distractions

Some days are better than others. Today for example I made a commitment to face an unhealthy habit I’ve been running away from for too long. I crossed off more tasks than I added to my very long backlog of tasks, I did vocals practice and funnily enough, also got sufficient sleep (something I hadn’t really been able to over the past week). 

I imagine these word-vomits aren’t of much use to anyone else, and I know I’ve mentioned this probably a hundred times here now. However, very recently I got something nice from a word-vomit, ie writing that I actually liked and found more satisfactory in terms of content and quality, and that I was also able to flesh out into a longer post of sorts. Something I’d happily want to share with a broader public too. 

Trying to be better at combating denial. Denial keeps me so stuck sometimes, I lose out on days and weeks. Also trying to get more in touch with whether my goals and dreams are important, and if so, how much. I feel like the last month or so has been a bit of “ah, we’ll see, we’ll figure it out” and that’s a fine response to the anxiety of it all but I don’t want it to become an excuse to not do the things that I care about. 

I think, if I decide that my goals and dreams ARE important, I will definitely have to narrow focus a bit. Even though last week I did acknowledge that narrowing focus makes me a bit anxious, I do think it might be important. And of course, narrowing focus doesn’t mean I would need to cut down on the other things completely! I can just know what takes higher priority. So, yeah, maybe I do a prioritisation exercise again. 

Man, absolutely detest it when I get distracted from a post and pick up my phone in the middle of distraction. I really want these takes to be as one-take as possible because otherwise I feel like I don’t really uncover anything. I feel like scrolling and social media and my smartphone is definitely a very harmful distractor. It really just hits a reset button on the journey that is inner exploration. It’s like you have to start again, start from the top, swim all the way back into the ocean again. You’re just left making small talk and repetitive analogies for a whole paragraph.

Struggling a bit with the whole situation of being interrupted in conversation. I’m finding that I do get affected quite a bit when I’m interrupted, but I’m also finding that I haven’t fully owned how much I don’t like it. Would like to explore this in therapy for sure. There are a couple more things I’m struggling with. Again, not something I can explore by myself but writing it here allows me to remember it. 

Apologies, dear readers, hopefully the vagueness can be excused. 

Alright, that’s the most focus I can muster up today, I think. Happy last week of April! xx v

097a – health, pleasure and connection

The neighbours’ cat sits on the staircase landing one level below mine. I’m trying to lure it to come and meet me by waving some food in front of her. She’s been here before, she came and chilled inside my house too, but I’m not sure why she’s wary today. I decide to work from the desk near my door for the next couple hours though, I can keep an eye out for her from this position. 

There are a couple things that I have to, absolutely have to get done today. Movement on chores and tasks has been slow but I really want to have a “productive” April. 

Yesterday, I smoked up with a friend after many, many weeks and had a pretty good evening, until of course it became a bit hedonistic. I often find myself in that state of mind whenever I get high— and I’m not sure if I like that. I do feel like I tend to make unhealthy decisions in the pursuit and attainment of pleasure (especially when it comes to health) and I do think I’d like to change that, slowly if not right away. Something I realised yesterday though is that there’s a chance this is what’s one of the nicest thing about love and connection. That you can access and share depths (of your self and another) without having to resort to unhealthy things (like alcohol and drugs). 

If I have systems and limits in place when it comes to unhealthy habits, I wouldn’t want to discard those systems even when I’m high. Or if I decide to get high, I would still need to know what my limits are with everything. The “rules” that I apply to myself have to be a little more universal. Maybe I do need to come up with specific, very specific rules for myself. Maybe that’s the only way at this point. 

Health is, after all, a top-5 value of mine so I do need to act like it too. 

I also feel a lot more of the need to be and feel seen when I’m high. Like I don’t necessarily want someone in my physical space but I do feel the need to share all my thoughts, everything that’s running through my head when I’m high. But this also made me realise that perhaps one of the antidotes to loneliness is the ability to separate these two somewhat related but not necessarily overlapping needs— ie the need for connection (the real, human, social need) and the need to be “more” seen. I think you can experience the latter even when all your social needs are met. So I think the latter comes from a bit of a pleasure-seeking place within us (for those of us who do experience this), because a lot of people are sufficiently satisfied and content when their social needs are met. But some of us (including me) do experience the second thing a lot more, I think we crave deep connection a lot more than others, and what deep connection means to us is this ability to share all of the “weird and crazy and unique” parts of ourselves that maybe we haven’t always been able to, in general settings and in mainstream settings. 

I don’t know, maybe this is a bit rambly. I think my point is, it helps to break down the “social need” into exact terms— is it the basic need like for food when you’re hungry, or is it you craving dessert even when you’re full? 

And post need-breakdown, I also think it’s important to remember and accept that not all parts of me need to be seen by and shared with someone else. I can witness some of them and that’s enough too. (And I don’t mean to come at this from a “cope” way at all, I genuinely think it can suffice). 

I think I’m happy with this one. Hope y’all are doing well! Cheers xx 

094b – hanging out

Sitting in a Doolally in Andheri in Mumbai and I’m determined to write a post today. I’d decided to travel for very personal reasons and even though I was content to be able to visit, I did keep an additional couple days on almost a whim of sorts. I thought I might meet people, go to the beach or do something fun, without planning too much for it. Also the tickets were much less expensive which was an important factor too. 

I do feel like including a bit of randomness in life can be really lucrative, conducive, especially to creative work. Which is why I also feel that if I don’t get a post done I won’t feel like I made the most out of this “time” I had to kill. 

Of course, if there were enough people to meet I would have been happy to spend my time with them too, but since it was short notice and somewhat last minute, I do have the evening to myself. I have a couple hours to kill before I can head to the airport and to be very honest, I feel like they might not be super easy to kill. But let’s see, we’ll see how that goes. 

There are of course other “tasks” I can do but really don’t want to. Part of me wonders if I should have gone to a cafe instead of a bar. But cafes can be a bit too quiet actually. I’m not very sure. Maybe we do need “work places” that also serve alcoholic drinks. I know there’s probably a few out here but maybe not enough. 

My time in Mumbai, Bangalore and Delhi has reinforced one thing for sure however— Mumbai definitely feels the safest and most “chill” (especially for me personally as a single queer woman) amongst the three. The other day I felt extremely unsafe and observed in Delhi, even at the airport, a place that’s supposed to be very busy and diverse. 

As I start to feeling closer and more attached to the person I’m dating at the moment, I’m starting to feel warmer towards monogamous / monogamish structures again. I was thinking maybe I don’t feel jealousy and possessiveness for people lately but now I’m thinking maybe that’s not very true. We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last week and I’m feeling a lot of “new” feelings for this person since then. But I do, still, worry about the idea of attempting to “secure” our attachments. It feels quite risky. Addressing this feels good though. I hadn’t realised I was carrying this and it was weighing on me quite a bit. I do feel a lot of separation anxiety when we say goodbye or end calls and I just don’t know if that can ever be solved or if that will ever feel less painful. With separation anxiety, it’s never a lasting feeling, I know that things become okay once we spend a bit of time apart, like I get busy with my own thing, my own routines etc. But it is super difficult when actually separating. Maybe I look this up a little more and do some research on this. Maybe there’s a way to ensure that I won’t be co-dependent even if I’m in a monogamous relationship. This sounds tough to me but I DO feel that that’s my primary fear. Not that I won’t get to date other people etc but that I will lose my individuality. So maybe I think about this fear first instead of thinking about non-monogamy instead. Maybe detanglement and individuality and independence is what I care about a lot more than wanting to see other people. Maybe seeing other people is just one way of asserting that independence and choice, and wasn’t the aim all along. Let’s see. I’m going to sit with this for the next few weeks. 

I’ve written this word vomit with only 80% focus (I also replied to a bunch of texts with 80% focus), but I think I’m good for now. Hope to write again soon, cheers folks! xx 

095 – curiosities and non-monogamy

There are things I do on a daily basis which help me maintain a sense of stability even as I try to keep with the various big crazy uncertainties of life. Singing, dancing, making lists, journaling, talking to and texting with people who feel like home, watching Schitt’s Creek, making and having my morning cold coffee— these are some of the things that allow me to cope with the big questions of life. These are the things that help me cope with my exploratory needs, even when those needs are incredibly anxiety inducing. 

What are some of these needs, one might wonder. Lately, it’s been curiosities around non-monogamy. Which has bought up quite a bit of tumult within me, if I’m being honest. Yesterday night I realised how invested and attached I do feel about one of the existing connections in my life right now. There’s also a lot of discomfort around realising how ingrained within me the current monogamy mental model is. It’s not just me, of course, most people I know are quite monogamous and are quite happy with it as well. But in my current circles, I’m the only one who’s “trying” to check what I prefer. One of my friends identifies as polyamorous, but he has done so for pretty much the longest time and I don’t know if he struggled with any of this, and it certainly didn’t show even if he did. Another friend experimented a bit with all this— and I actually realised I wasn’t super supportive of his explorations when he was in the throes of it— I think I was of the opinion (without perhaps being very aware about it) that we don’t need to do things if they give us so much anxiety. (He would tell me about the amount of anxiety he would experience when his partner was on dates with other people and I would just struggle to understand why they (he and his partner) were putting themselves through so much when it was so uncomfortable for the both of them). Over a year later, as I’ve reconnected with the exploratory, curious parts of me, I realise that just because new things give us (me) anxiety, it doesn’t mean new things are bad. 

I’m glad I’m able to hold and face this believe again and again, with various things in life. I’ve accepted that anxieties about all the plethora of things in the world aren’t “not going to show up”, and to “delete” them can’t be my aim. The aim is to just to be in touch with what new things are worth trying despite all the anxiety, and the reasons for which I may want to try them. (“What is worth trying” is also something we cannot answer in the present, but I suppose being clear about why we’re “putting ourselves through” something can help). 

Whenever I’m faced with something that’s so non-conventional, I always automatically go back to the time when I first discovered that I liked women. Somehow, that wasn’t at all anxiety inducing to me. Maybe because I discovered that through love, or maybe because it was still within the limits of “my “open” mind” as it were at the time. Basically, somehow, I wasn’t inherently homophobic and was also lucky enough to probably not have too many (openly) homophobic people around me (which I believe is why I didn’t get influenced into taking on any external homophobia either). 

The topics of gender and non-monogamy on the other hand, have been uncomfortable enough. But I won’t want to blame myself for the discomfort. It’s okay that it’s uncomfortable. And I know that I can work through it, also. 

So yeah, I feel better now that I’ve acknowledged and laid out the discomfort and the context of the situation here. Now to the next part: if being clear about the reasons of something can help with carrying it forward, what are my reasons for wanting to explore non-monogamy?

  1. I think it was triggered by realising I had some residual feelings for a person while I started to see a new person, and I actually felt for a (albeit brief) period of time I actually had feelings (and curiosities about more than a single person). (Side thing here— I felt a bit guilty about this, and I feel like the monogamy model is one of the causes for the guilt.)

  2. Did some research and reading, and of course, having curiosities for more than a single person is just the starting point. Non-monogamy is not just about having these curiosities, it’s about a lot more— ie whether you have the wish to follow these curiosities, whether you have the bandwidth for it, whether you have the capacity for very open, honest communication with multiple partners and the ability to respect different types of boundaries AND the capacity to deal with the reverse, and lastly of course whether you have the willingness to then date only within the non-monogamous pool— because the reality does seem like it is an objectively smaller pool.

  3. I do compare romantic love with non-romantic love as of now, sometimes though. I just feel like I’m a better friend because I have multiple deep friendships. And for the same reason, I just wonder if I could also be a better “lover” if I have multiple deep romantic relationships. I basically wonder if I could be more “secure” if I was non-monogamous. I’m reading a lot more about this and of course, it’s not like I’m trying to solve my relationship with myself THROUGH other people, like I know that the security essentially has to come from me, only me, and whether I date one person or two (or zero actually), that piece of the picture has to still be painted through my own internal work.. and yet, I just feel like being “forced” to do some of the work and having different types of structures and stimuli can help with it all. (Again, as it often does with friendships and all the other types of relationships.)

  4. I’m trying to answer this very important question for myself: Why is it that we believe that we can only (romantically) love a single person at a time? Or whether it’s even true. If it’s true (for me), I may not end up caring about the why, but if it’s not true— I would really like to know sooner than later. 

There’s probably a few more things here but I’m actually really satisfied with the last point, I think that’s the crux, really. 

Phew, that was a lot. Stay alive folks, cheers xx 

093a – age, explore vs exploit, attachment

Feeling very reflective today. I think I’m not that afraid of turning 30 anymore. I feel like things have only gotten better (so far) with the power that experience and age brings. I’m still ambitious, motivated, excited, prone to chasing pleasure, prone to human longings, but I feel more grounded. Of course, these feelings of stability and security are not PURELY related to age. There’s a lot of other things that play into it— geography, community, loving people ie family and friends, romantic partnerships, anti-anxiety medication, my therapist, goals I’m working towards, and lastly art and artistic outlets; and some of these (maybe most) can be present at most ages. But whatever it is, I’m feeling good about still have over an year to 30, and then sort of having a nice “second half” of my life from 30-55 or 30-60. 

I don’t want to say that the life I envision post 60 is not valuable, but I imagine that will be very different considering the challenges that “old age” might bring, so I just feel like it’s futile to think about that right now. Obviously, one might argue it’s obviously futile to even think about anything beyond a week or two, really, but let’s keep that aside for a minute. 

The point is— I’m excited about the second half of my life. 

The numbers are just rough markers, of course.

I’m satisfied with the amount and kind of “explorations” I’ve done over the course of my 20s, and I feel good about sort of entering a bit of the “exploit” part of life, at least in the bigger picture. Not to say that I will curb my exploratory needs as and when they come up— and I think I am sufficiently exploratory by nature, and this has also been sufficiently stable over the last couple decades, despite the anxieties that come with exploration in general and despite my personal fears and anxieties. So I wouldn’t want to curb my exploratory needs too much, and my brain does devote maybe 10-20% of its bandwidth on curiosities. However, I’m learning to focus on the stability and safety that comes out of really leaning into the remaining 80-90% of the thing itself. Or (and) celebrate the good parts of what is. 

— 

In therapy we also talked about differentiating attachment (of the spiritual sense) and the real attachment (the one that exists within relationships etc). I think I’ve been mixing the two a lot over the last few years. I’ve convinced myself that I get attached too quickly and in unhealthy ways (even though that attachment was coming from my ego) and I forgot that I’m capable of maintaining and nourishing healthy attachments too. With friendships, for example— I’m actually capable of showing up in many many healthy ways. I’d like to not do myself disservice by confusing these two terms. Maybe it makes sense to think about what the healthy attachment means and looks like— do I want it? Is it a subset of love? What are the pitfalls? Why am I so afraid of it? I am not afraid of intimacy but I do find myself being quite afraid of “attachment”. So, yeah, that’s something I’ll be thinking about this week as well. 

Cheers, happy Feb! xx

092b – new topics in life + gratitude

Every time something new comes up that I haven’t talked about too much on here, I experience new sorts of vulnerabilities. For example, I’ve started seeing someone more regularly over the last couple months and that’s brought up a lot of new questions, thoughts, feelings, etc etc in me. 

That, in turn, made me realise that despite talking about SO many things with so much openness, there are still so many things that I don’t talk about, or hesitate before talking about. 

Sex, physical intimacy, kink, these are some topics that I realised I’d like to talk to people more openly about. I used to think that I was the more “closed” one when it would come to these topics, and YET these days I find more people shying away from these topics even more than I do. Maybe it’s true for the Indian society, maybe my benchmarks were the ones that had been formed by my time away from India. 

Monogamy and non-monogamy is the other thing that’s been occupying a lot of brain space. And while personally I’m okay with open questions taking their sweet time to find resolutions, obviously with other people in the picture, some of these questions do come with some time constraints, and I guess I have to be okay with that. 

Being doing some research on the origins and advantages of monogamy and one of the primary considerations (advantage) it provides is definitely around child-bearing, raising etc. So  it makes sense that I’m curious about non-monogamy because I’m also not sure whether or not want to bear (or even raise) kids. 

Personally, the main aversion I feel from monogamy is the idea of being “tied to” one person. Honestly, emotionally, when I like someone I don’t feel the need to follow other curiosities. But I know from experience that other curiosities do come up as time progresses. And in those scenarios, I would just like to have more freedom to discuss them AND potentially explore and follow, if they’re strong.

Spending a lot of my time with books also. Enjoying that a lot.  

I talked about love and learning earlier. I think February has been pretty great for both. If you find the right people these two things often come together, actually. I learn the best from people and if I can also find love in those dynamics (whether it’s romance or friendships or other dynamics), time-management becomes much easier. (As non-poetic as that may sound.) 

Yeah, life’s pretty decent, I suppose. Not much to complain about at the moment. Pretty grateful for most parts. I’m just going to savour it all this week and not try to optimise it or “make it better”.

Why fix when not broken? Basically. 

Alright that’s it from me. Hope y’all are having a safe and sound February! xx 

091a – content, grateful and ambitious

Back to Delhi. Back to thinking about work and projects. Kind of happy with all of it. Had a terrible flight back but all worth it. I think traveling is such a great way to get new input, data and feelings and gives me a lot of stimulus about things I naturally care about. Feeling pretty good about the frequencies that I know I like with traveling now. 

I’d like to sleep by 2-2:30am which means that I’m time boxing this word vomit once again. What are the major things on my mind lately that I’d like to think about? Polyamory, physical intimacy, art, music, production, reading, giving up addictions, grooming, haircut, health related tasks, how much emotional bandwidth can I give to friends and family, how much work can I get done in Feb considering my sister’s visiting and I don’t get enough time with her throughout the year, yeah that’s about it I think. 

I’m doing a freelance photography gig (event based thing) for some family this weekend and I’d like to do it well (more so) since I’m getting paid for it, would like to take some tips from people I know who’ve done this before. Editing etc is something I may need to do some research on. Actually kind of excited for this! 

Lately I start writing a ton of word vomits but I never get past 200-300 words. I’m not very sure why. Is it really possible that I don’t have enough to process? Or do I have more people around me which allows me to process some things with them instead? I’m not sure, it’s likely the latter though. 

Another thing I’ve realised is that I’m definitely more of a space taker than I used to think. Of course, I strive to be considerate and I’m also mindful of how much space I take, but I do take enough of it. Maybe therapy has helped with this too. I like it. I guess writing is also a good way to take a lot of space in the ways you need to. The page is the room you probably actually really need. But it’s a great room. It’s better than most rooms. 

Art, safe spaces, mental health, suffering (reducing it if possible for myself and other people), being good— these are the things I really care about. 

I’m also glad that I’ve made “niceness” and earnestness almost a pretty big part of my identity (or I’m slowly doing it) and it feels nice that when you stand up for it really strongly, most people don’t try to oppose it. In fact you also learn whether people do actually want to oppose it or not, and if so why etc. When you make claims that most people in theory agree with, but you do it gently, you are making space for questions they may not be brave enough to face themselves actually. 

I also used to think I’m not hardworking or ambitious but it’s just that my energies were not being directed into the right things. I feel like lately they have been. So I suppose that’s what makes me happy and content. 

090b – intimacy and travel

There is something about leaning on people that feels incredibly rewarding. Intimacy is magical and every time you do something tough in the journey (asking for what you need or want, or something you’d like, or canceling plans with consideration)— you know it can go either way. It can strengthen a connection and add more “events” (data) to it or it can weaken it. Both outcomes are okay but it’s always fun to see where it goes. 

I have been spending most of my time in other people’s spaces and lives, and slowly but steadily I allow my life to merge in their spaces, that’s quite fun too. 

Today I spent my afternoon in a good friend’s room, he’s moved out of it but some of “him” was still around. I send him a picture of his desk and tell him I’m having fun and he tells me where the trees are if I’d like to improve the view. It was all quite nice. His desk was dusty and yet the afternoon light made it all quite romantic for me. Dusty surfaces in otherwise mostly clean spaces are an interesting little detail to me. 

I visited a very old friend in her house in a far-off neighbourhood in the city and I was reluctant to go there, but the trip was quite worth it. I like seeing residential spaces and how different people have different lives. We talked about everything under the sun and I wondered when we’d meet again. In the past we’ve gone many years without meeting and I’m pretty comfortable with that too. 

I haven’t been doing as much writing as I’d like to be doing but maybe I’m changing that right now. 

We talk about how “if you wanted to, you could write about anything, really” but something stops us, still. 

All (okay, most of) my friends are analytical as well as creative and I love that about them. 

I was more careful of my energy this time though and I’m quite glad about that. I felt like I was able to balance self-preservation and getting “enough” out of travels pretty well. 

Headed to Bombay tomorrow and spending three days there and although I was feeling like I’m done with traveling, I’m finding that I am looking forward to meeting some people. Pretty excited about that. 

Also did some good amount of “exposure therapy” over the last few days which I’m happy and content about. 

Indulgences though, ah. Back to tapering down from it now, hopeful I can keep at it. 

I think getting any new ideas and or art (or cultural expansion) from any sort of traveling makes the travel (or other activities) very worth it. We clicked a lot of pictures, had some good food, recounted old stories, wrote new ones, and that’s more than I could ask for, I suppose. 

That’s 90K words! Glad to be here. Don’t think I’d like to get away from this habit, really. I like documenting things, I like noting down how I feel about events and things happening in my life. I do find myself going back to reading these from time to time, which I think serves a nice little purpose for myself too. 

090a – indulgent february, need discipline again

I’ve had quite an indulgent week. Need to get back on track once I’m back to Delhi but choosing to write this word-vomit today so I can at least get one out of my 4-5 “healthy things I want to do” done. Have a few chores to do as well but I’m prioritising this. I’m going to time-box this so I don’t overthink it. 

Was talking to sister yesterday about love etc. And how the healthy version of love now in my books does not equal devotion. Sure you might have moments of devotional feelings or a strong spiritual connection with someone but I don’t want to read into or take those feelings to be true. 

How the healthy version of love doesn’t put the other person above my own self. I really want to be clear about these things before I enter any sort of a romantic relationship with anyone. Because once I get more intertwined enmeshed (and sometimes even codependent) all the rationality often goes out the window, at least for a bit. I want to make sure I have these things written down so I can come back to them when I forget how I like to “love” or be in love. 

I was telling her that currently in my life there are two people I’m sometimes “really crazy about” and I’m actually pretty okay with that. These are my safe people. I can trust that I can be crazy about them and it won’t harm me. She asked me if I’m ever crazy about myself and don’t know actually. I know myself too well, I think. I do like myself a good amount on enough days but it’s hard to romanticise yourself. 

Although I do have my moments, I won’t lie. 

Addictions, emotions, thoughts, time and energy management is tough, I’m realising. Energy is definitely a limiting agent for me. I need to incorporate regular sleep and physical exercise so that it’s not SO challenging, as it has been this week. 

[Todo] I’d like to engage more in photography again. And I’d like to join dance classes. And I’d like to learn music production also. Okay, there. I go back home and think about what to prioritise, if I can’t do it all. I think social is what I’ll need to cut, if I want to do more of these things. Maybe I’ll get social needs met from the activities themselves, potentially. Let’s see. 

[Todo] I’m also reading and learning more about non-monogamy lately. I’m a little curious about it. Quite, actually. Need to carve out some more time for it. 

Alright that’s it I think. This isn’t 500 words but ah well. Hope y’all are having a good start to February!