Tag: blogging

094a – blogging is cool

Finally got to rest and recharge today. Got a few chores done post dinner, caught up with a couple friends also, feeling good. 

Maintenance, I’m realising is definitely a thing. When buying things, or setting things up, we need to be mindful of how much maintenance they may require. For example, if I add more instruments to my space, I need to consider how much regular cleaning they may require etc. Another thing I’ve been thinking of doing is practicing driving and really getting serious about it. But then car maintenance is an additional thing to consider which I’d never paid attention to until now. 

Feeling pretty sleepy but I want to write so I will. 

I think I’m in a good space now. Looking forward to this week, finally planned the week a bit too. Planning is something I often struggle with so it’s nice to have structures and people around me who help me with this. 

I’ve been watching Schitt’s Creek again and it’s been quite enjoyable. I’d forgotten how much nice, easy shows can improve a day (of course, within their limits). 

Thinking I might be able to make some time for domestic travels once again, actually. It’s funny how this works. Get the right people to ask you to visit and then making time and bandwidth doesn’t seem so tough actually. I know this conflicts a little bit with what I wrote here about wanting more time to myself but only a little bit. I’m optimistic that March will give me the time I need and then April will be a bit open again. 

Chores and tasks are only a problem for as long as you’re not doing them, funnily enough. We know this, I know this, and yet, it’s only when I actually get them done that I realise this again and again. Doing a little more cooking lately too and I’m quite happy about that. Feels pretty grounding and therapeutic. 

I used to often wonder what the point of blogging was if you’re not coming to terms with “insightful things” on a daily/regular basis, but now I think even the pure act of documentation can be quite worthwhile. For one, it helps you remember how you feel about various events happening in your life. Even the pure act of noting that down can help you make better decisions, I think. It helps to know what you’re liking, what you’re not liking, which of course helps you do more of what you do like and less of what you don’t (assuming that is possible). The other thing (this I learnt from the Artist’s Way recently) is that there is only so much “complaining” you can do about a thing until you eventually get tired of it and are “forced” (by choice, funnily enough) to solve it. 

Yep, I think that’s it from me tonight. Cheers xx 

078a – summoning courage

Finally have my first-ish essay ready for Substack. I’ve decided to post more long-form and “thought-out” essays on Substack from this week or next week onwards. I imagine I’ll still continue journaling-style writing here and post on a much lesser frequency on Substack but let’s see how that goes. Not sure whether or not to port this mailing list so if you want to go ahead and subscribe to that in advance you can do that here. 

I have an updated verdict on Indian weddings: I don’t hate them, in fact they can be very special, and I don’t want to not attend these in the near future. However I do need to figure out a more comfortable outfit situation so that I’m not background-frustrated for 2-3 whole days. 

I also realised how large events (events with many people) can be pretty great for creative work— you get ideas and they’re also pretty great for sharing and testing ideas too. Plus personally I find a lot of general value in conversation too and I think places where you can have various types of conversations can be great resources. 

I am however extremely exhausted and I’m going to fall asleep soon but I really wanted to write a post first since substack is not yet setup correctly with all the logistics etc. 

I feel better in terms of organisation now, I have a better handle on tasks, projects, etc. I imagine this could work decently well at least for the next month or two. I still want to wrap up a few things in December and I’m optimistic about the next 20 days or so. There’re of course enough social commitments to also make time for but I’m going to attempt to “get” as much out of them as I can. 

I posted about courage here as one of my open questions and I managed to do a couple of courageous tasks earlier today (ie facing my own thoughts and feelings about an uncomfortable topic) and I want to note down what worked for me.

  1. A lot of quiet time and observation-time with nature. I think it really helps to ground yourself through nature. Remembering that we’re all god’s creations so we are indeed capable of summoning all the courage from inside us that we might need.

  2. However, facing tough situations in steps— if you can afford to— can help a lot. It’s important to recognise that something is likely to be “too much” if you attempt to face it all at once, and so doing it in steps can be critical.

  3. Writing notes and letters to yourself. Affirming yourself. 

  4. The internet is a great place to find people who can inspire you. Find heroes. Find people who might have gone through similar struggles. Find people who’ve done courageous acts and are talking about them. I think de-anonymised accounts help a lot more than anonymised stories, but that could just be my preference.

  5. Find community.

  6. Remembering that the opposite of facing your fears is either depression or delusion. If either of those things sound okay to you, that’s great, if not, you probably don’t have a choice. 

I don’t know why I shifted to second-person when I started listing these down, but whatever. Maybe somebody will find this useful. Maybe not, maybe I will again, tomorrow. 

I’ll keep this one short, feeling pretty tired today. Write later, welcome December!

046b – i feel shitty when i don’t journal enough

Haven’t written anything for the last 4-5 days and it’s getting to me. Last few days have been quite emotionally exhausting since I’ve been spending a time with a lot of old friends and in general, what seems like an insanely new environment. I did expect a lot of discomfort to show up during this trip, but knowing that didn’t help me too much in navigating it. Finally got some time to myself today though, and that’s been helpful with recharging etc. 

I’ve been having an explosion of thoughts right around midnight which then keeps me up for at least 2-3 hours before I finally fall asleep, and needless to say— that’s not pleasant at all. I think journaling before bedtime (like I’m doing right now) will be helpful. 

There’s a few triggers I’m recognising which I probably need to be mindful of when I’m hanging out with a lot of people (old and new): 

  • Happy couples, relationshipy things 
  • Overly work-focused conversations 
  • People who are seemingly thriving, well-adjusted and sorted wrt more than 70% of their life things 
  • Being “bad” at anything 

That’s all I can think of right now but I’d love to keep coming back to this list because I’m sure having it written down in front of me will be helpful. 

Otherwise, things are okay. I’m getting to explore Bangalore as a city a little bit and that’s nice. The (good) weather does make a difference, I’ve found. More like-minded people around (as compared to Delhi) and that might end up being important too. 

Sometimes I feel like going really deep into the micro-ness of situations. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid of putting it all out there. I think something I’m going to struggle with is how to talk (write) about the people around you without revealing too much. Not because I’m afraid of the truth of certain situations to be out there, but because sometimes the situation isn’t completely yours to tell. 

Feeling a lot of pressure to create and share more. I think I need to focus on skill development as opposed to just having this vague goal of “creating more”. Need some structure with all of these (creative) activities. Or at least some of them. Or maybe this is part of me realising I don’t actually enjoy them as much as I thought I did and I’m just not ready to accept that yet. Man, it’d be very disappointing if that were the case. 

I think lately, even though I’m not always happy (which of course is not possible either), I’m definitely more satisfied with life. Like overall, I’m satisfied and content with the decisions I’ve taken. And of course I’m still working on a lot of my shortcomings, some more important than others, but despite that, I’m definitely content with certain things: 

  • Having a regular journaling / blogging routine 
  • Making enough time for emotions and myself
    • Through regular therapy
  • Improvement on my ability and speed to come back to the present when needed
  • Having taken the decision to take this work-break & move to India 
  • My social connections

Alright that’s enough of the good and the bad. Write soon!