Tag: distance

101a – writing, love and comfort

I’m passionate about writing, I know this. But I haven’t been writing as much lately. I’ve been busy falling in love, there’s just no other way to say this. I don’t know if it’ll last, I really can’t know this, of course. But I feel really good about her, about us. I hope we make it, whatever that means. 

I do have strong imposter syndrome when it comes to creative activities, and I know the only way to even move towards addressing it would be to start looking for paid work. But I can’t do that for another three months, so how do I address it for now? By writing, or by “doing the thing” anyway, I suppose. 

Falling in love has been great but I know I haven’t been doing much work. I also know it’s okay to not be productive etc etc, but fact is I do live in this society, and I do feel like I don’t want to let life go by. It’s okay if I don’t do anything “great” as such, but I do want to feel the fulfilment and satisfaction that comes with doing some sort of work on a regular basis. (I’m not talking about paid work necessarily, just work.) Just something to show for the time I’m living that’s not purely related to “just” joy. 

So I will write today and I’ll make sure to publish this post. I also think not engaging with writing or music keeps me away from doing other things too. I feel less productive in all ways, if I’m not writing. So I’ll write this week and see if it makes a difference. A better difference. 

June is halfway complete. In 20 days we’ll be halfway through 2024. I’ll be 2 months away from turning 29. These are all different ways of saying the same thing— that I’m really happy and content, I think. 

In some ways I really want June to be over because it’s insanely hot here and I can’t wait for summers to be less intense. But I also don’t want June to be over because I’ll have to be away from home for three weeks this coming July and even though I’m really looking forward to the trip, I’m not looking forward at all to being away from my comfort person for so long. Classic mixed, bittersweet feelings. I guess that’s good information too, information that I can keep in mind the next time I plan long trips. 

I saw this movie called “The Hours” the other day and I really liked it. I liked how inspiring it was in terms of writing goals and writing stories, even though I often worry a bit about how artists and writers are “romanticised” in certain ways which can be almost harmful to the mouldable mind. 

Anyway, how do I feel? I feel okay. I’m glad I wrote a full post after fifteen days and I’m glad I’m going to hit publish. I’m glad I can say that I’m in love without cringing too much and I’m glad the summer decline is close. I’m looking forward to a lot of things (even with the cost) and I’d like to list them all for myself tomorrow. I feel like it’ll be a good exercise. I’m glad I finally have “tasks” I can look forward to as well. I was missing this feeling for a while. 

Happy June folks, cheers xx 

054b – updates + upcoming projects

So, it’s been roughly 2 weeks since I moved to my own place and today was the third time I came to my parents’ place to spend a night. It was great in terms of me finally feeling like my decision to move was not stupid at all. (I’d been having doubts earlier.) 

I think we all tolerate each other much more and better when we have enough distance between us. I genuinely like coming over and hanging out with them once or twice a week. My mum’s more patient, my dad actually takes out more time to sit with me, even for a couple hours, and it just overall feels much better. I think this will definitely be good for my relationship with both my parents. 

My apartment is in a much better state now, apart from a couple medium/small problems, but hopefully they’ll be resolved soon. I’m feeling much safer overall, sleeping better, and that’s been great. 

Had my 6th drums class today and it was an absolute blast. It’s been so much fun and I can’t wait to play more regularly. I hope the new instructor that I find (I need to find a new one that’s closer to my new place) is also as good. I didn’t have the best impression of him initially (he was a little too talkative for my taste) but over time I’ve warmed up to him and he’s definitely a good teacher and a good drummer, for sure. 

I finished watching Heartstopper Season 2 and it was absolutely mind-blowing. I remember liking Season 1 a lot but I think Season 2 just completely knocked it out of the park. The production quality, the character development, and so many “social”/emotional things handled so well. Just fkn amazing. 

I had an emotionally tough evening yesterday, but was able to get through it by talking to a couple of close friends over the phone. Coming home today also helped with the reset. (This is definitely important data). I think overall I’m okay now, my top projects need to be the following over the next 2-3 months (the order and prioritisation is yet to be figured): 

  • Quitting a certain addiction 
  • A card-game entrepreneurial idea that I have 
  • Music stuff (needs to be broken down) 
  • Dating 
  • Remaining house-setup 

Oh, in other news, I started taking some extra lessons for school for this kid from downstairs, and that’s been kind of fun and fulfilling. He’s a pretty curious kid, and we’ve only had 4 lessons so far but so far I’m quite impressed. 

I don’t feel like publishing this one. I’m not sure why, maybe because the quality / style feels off to me, or I feel like I’ve generally just been posting updates for a while now. But as I say this, I realise that that’s fine, because yes, journaling/blogging isn’t always going to be stylistic or creative, that’s barely the point.