Haven’t been able to journal as much as I want to.. not sure what’s up. Y and I finally made a cover yesterday finally after many weeks of procrastination and delay on it. That did feel quite nice, I must admit. We also sang a bunch of other songs which also made me feel quite nice, I really enjoyed the process and the results too. I thoroughly like and enjoy the image of me that plays the keys, I feel quite at home in that image. In this, I also feel quite away from all the gender stuff (in the best ways).
Going to volunteer today for this skill-training session being hosted by an organisation I’ve been in touch with. Not sure what to expect but let’s see. I’ve met the people before and I wanted to reconnect with them anyway so this should be a good chance to do that.
I keep getting distracted even as I write this, and I’m not sure how to focus. It’s probably hunger and chores though, some more important than the other— I’ll put the rice on the stove and be right back.
Welp, I didn’t end up completing this yesterday but here I am.
Traveling in four more days, anxiety is quite active. I’m also turning 29 soon, hope I get some time tomorrow to do some reflections.
Y just sent me a cover of a song she made and I’m so amazed by how talented she is. Musically, of course, but in so many other ways too. Travel’s been hard this past quarter because long distance with her (even for a few weeks) has proved to be kind of tough– but hopefully we’re getting stronger from it all.
I come back mid-september and I’m going to fully prioritise job search etc. In some ways I’m almost looking forward to it actually.
The other day I got kind of triggered because my music instructor kind of coerced me to sit for some additional time and “practise” but I really really wasn’t planning to and didn’t want to. I did leave as soon as I realised how much I didn’t want to do what was being asked of me, but it took me a good couple hours to properly recover.
I’d like to lean into my ambitious side a little more for the remaining year. I know I have a strong one, but I’ve kind of compartmentalised it in favour of peace and rest. Which was quite valid, fair and much needed but I think I feel ready to be “doing” a little more.
Gender dysphoria has been a bit present this week, I do need more guidance and resources with it, but— well— can only do so much on a given day.
These days I find myself stunned by how talented, skilled and creative people are in the world. It’s nice to stay in touch with all that of course, keeps one grounded, and is also inspiring, but I’m still recovering from how much people are slaying at very ripe young ages like early twenties.
Anyway, that’s it this week. Hope yall have a great end to August! xx
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