Feeling pretty great today. I feel like I’m in problem-solving mode as opposed to problem-thinking mode. But it’s not anxiety fueled. It’s actually positive energy and motivation and genuine resonance fueled. Obviously, I have a bit of an obsessive streak when it comes to open problems and open questions but I’m thinking it’s not such a bad thing. For a set amount of time, if I can channel this energy into getting things done that may not be such a bad thing. As long as I can keep “productivity” and the “doer” energy balanced with “being” energy, days could be nice.
Got some clarity on the gender and body dysphoria question in therapy today, and that feels pretty great. For now, I’m good. Turns out there are certain days I just don’t like being strongly associated with femininity, but I have enough moments where I do like that association (and in various ways). Currently, for a couple months, I’ve been experiencing a good amount of the yin and the yang, and I’m pretty okay with that— and I imagine I’ll learn to actually really celebrate that as well.
I think I have some space for mentorship in my life. I already have an “emotions, health and interpersonal relationships” mentor ie my therapist, who I’m pretty happy with. But I think what I need is someone who has experience with creative work, ie a writing industry mentor and a music industry mentor. Obviously, I don’t have space for two people so something I may need to figure out is what I need more at the moment, but I’m going to be exploring that this week.
I’m thinking that it could be nice to try to look for creative work / freelance jobs in H1 this year. Currently I have the time, resources and the opportunity to explore this thread, and it’s worth trying it out with 100% effort and only falling back to the things I know and like ONLY IF it doesn’t work out. Ie let’s say I find don’t find the kind of work that I might actually like, maybe I can fall back to my more stable tech pay check job world. I just feel like there’s enough people working in the arts industries and why should I not give it a shot, at least? Especially maybe if I’m okay with earning a bit less at the moment. Obviously, I’m not saying I will be fully fulfilled right away, but I just feel called to at least trying to look. Why should I give up before looking? I don’t know, let’s see.
Also learning to set better boundaries with people in my DMs, something I’ve been practicing for a few years now but still need to continue to do, for reasons I’m not sure. I thought most people who interact with me are actually people who know the things that I stand for, but maybe there’s still some “warding off” of negative energies that needs to continue.
Anyway, that’s that for today. Hoping for a good last week of January! Cheers xx
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