Thoughts have gotten a little tough since the first of the month.
Like I mentioned in my previous post, I moved to an apartment a few days ago, and transitioning + the amount of maintenance work to be done has completely killed the little productivity I had in me. I don’t know whether I had unrealistic expectations wrt moving, like maybe realistic expectations would have been accepting that adjustment does take some time, regardless of how comfortable or convenient you might have imagined the setup to have been.
My parents have been quite helpful with the move actually, and that for some reason has been introducing some guilt in me as well. Even though part of why I’d originally picked Delhi over other cities (like Mumbai or Bangalore) was literally that I have more support and resources available here. Not sure why then, when it comes to leaning on the support and resources, I feel conflicted. It might partly be because I’m more used to leaning on friends, etc. and maybe a part of me somewhere believes I need to be more “independent” as an adult. Maybe I feel like it’s kiddish to lean on parents for support. Part of me just feels guilty for taking their time and energy on things I can (I think) do by myself, even if I’d probably do them much slower if I were completely on my own.
Essentially, August feels like it’s not going to be very productive in terms of personal goals etc. (This may not end up being true, but currently it feels that way). Although I know that moving by itself was a big personal goal, so maybe— just maybe— it might be fine if I don’t “achieve” other things this month.
I do have a few music goals I still want to try to achieve this month, however. Main problem is they’re dependent on me having a decent work-setup (with a desk and mic). Maybe I can prioritise that this coming week.
I came to my parents’ house for the weekend and earlier was very annoyed at the prospect (thinking it’ll take away my whole weekend and that I have things to do etc) but it’s actually been quite nice. The fact that I’m here writing this post because I finally maybe feel “comfortable” enough to write is also saying something. It’s saying that I do need to make sure to get the setup I need as soon as possible. I’ll also get to do a drums class tomorrow so that’ll be nice, hopefully.
I feel like I’ve been focused on the fun stuff more than anything, and that’s the primary reason I’ve been feeling guilt about productivity etc. Like I’m legit enjoying life a lot at the moment (even with all its tough parts), but that makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Like.. I don’t deserve this, for some reason. I don’t know, maybe I can focus more on this in the next post. Can’t get into the whole thing right now. Should sleep.
untitled atm 