Tag: parents

102b – welcome, september

I think I’m still wired to the “productivity” bug / capitalist lens. Maybe that’s okay to an extent, I know I don’t have to question every impulse all the time. But also there is clearly something that makes me question this particular impulse. I’m in California and jet lagged, but now that it’s 6 am— I felt like I couldn’t just lay in bed and “not sleep” anymore. Felt like I had to get up and do something. 

Anyway, now that I’ve acknowledged that, I’m going to allow myself to give in to this impulse (conditioned or otherwise). I haven’t journaled in a couple days so this is important too. 

Parents and I are visiting sister and brother in law here in San Diego! Very exciting, very nourishing. (very demure, lol). The journey was hella long and I was almost questioning whether all of it is worth it or not.. but that feeling did evaporate as soon as I landed. I still don’t have a verdict, ie I’m still not saying that “it is worth it”, but it might be. We’ll see. 

One of my parents is very controlling and I’m learning to live with that again. I end up being quite overstimulated after half / three quarters of a day and I’m also learning to live with that. 

The light, the sun, the weather, the peace otherwise is quite amazing. Landing in San Francisco felt like a reunion of sorts, I did feel quite a bit “at home”. Of course, more in this feeling after the trip is complete. 

I was quite dreading the three weeks apart from Y but I’m feeling like it’s going to be doable, at least for me. I hope it’s not too crazy for her either. 

I’m carrying my camera this time too (after many, many trips!) and kind of exciting to go out and get some good pictures from that too. Some of my best pictures ever have been from California and I hope maybe I can get something cool again. 

I’ve realised that being interrupted and being “spoken for” are really big pet peeves (triggers?) for me and it’s something that I will at some point need to communicate to the people who are in my life (especially the ones who aren’t mindful about not doing this). But there are two specific people with whom it’s also not easy to communicate certain things. 

I do feel like I have the bandwidth to do “other” things. What other things though, I’m not very sure. That’s the whole problem I suppose. I do need to go out for a walk too— been kind of indoors for around 36 hours… 

Anyway, kind of struggling to get to 500 words right now, so I’ll suppose I’ll stop. Might even be worth thinking about whether I’m still running behind word-count, or can I afford to “challenge” myself in different ways when it comes to this too. But more on that later. 

Happy august! xx 

054b – updates + upcoming projects

So, it’s been roughly 2 weeks since I moved to my own place and today was the third time I came to my parents’ place to spend a night. It was great in terms of me finally feeling like my decision to move was not stupid at all. (I’d been having doubts earlier.) 

I think we all tolerate each other much more and better when we have enough distance between us. I genuinely like coming over and hanging out with them once or twice a week. My mum’s more patient, my dad actually takes out more time to sit with me, even for a couple hours, and it just overall feels much better. I think this will definitely be good for my relationship with both my parents. 

My apartment is in a much better state now, apart from a couple medium/small problems, but hopefully they’ll be resolved soon. I’m feeling much safer overall, sleeping better, and that’s been great. 

Had my 6th drums class today and it was an absolute blast. It’s been so much fun and I can’t wait to play more regularly. I hope the new instructor that I find (I need to find a new one that’s closer to my new place) is also as good. I didn’t have the best impression of him initially (he was a little too talkative for my taste) but over time I’ve warmed up to him and he’s definitely a good teacher and a good drummer, for sure. 

I finished watching Heartstopper Season 2 and it was absolutely mind-blowing. I remember liking Season 1 a lot but I think Season 2 just completely knocked it out of the park. The production quality, the character development, and so many “social”/emotional things handled so well. Just fkn amazing. 

I had an emotionally tough evening yesterday, but was able to get through it by talking to a couple of close friends over the phone. Coming home today also helped with the reset. (This is definitely important data). I think overall I’m okay now, my top projects need to be the following over the next 2-3 months (the order and prioritisation is yet to be figured): 

  • Quitting a certain addiction 
  • A card-game entrepreneurial idea that I have 
  • Music stuff (needs to be broken down) 
  • Dating 
  • Remaining house-setup 

Oh, in other news, I started taking some extra lessons for school for this kid from downstairs, and that’s been kind of fun and fulfilling. He’s a pretty curious kid, and we’ve only had 4 lessons so far but so far I’m quite impressed. 

I don’t feel like publishing this one. I’m not sure why, maybe because the quality / style feels off to me, or I feel like I’ve generally just been posting updates for a while now. But as I say this, I realise that that’s fine, because yes, journaling/blogging isn’t always going to be stylistic or creative, that’s barely the point.