Tag: self-improvement

066b – more on being HSP

I mentioned a few posts ago that I’ve been learning more about the highly sensitive person trait lately. Today has been a bit of a gloomy day because of some of the things I read. Although in many ways this feels like a puzzle piece that had been missing for a long time from my landscape of self-understanding, it does come with its fair share of sad-ish realisations. 

  1. I will not be able to express all my ideas. 

    I think this hit harder because yesterday had been a very prolific day (from my standards) in terms of creative expression and I’d been feeling overjoyed and extremely enthusiastic about a lot of it. I did feel a little overstimulated already today morning, since I hadn’t caught enough sleep, but then I ended up reading the book I’ve been reading on HSPs which coincidentally also hit this point. That someone like me can feel overstimulated or over-aroused not just because of “intrusive thoughts” but also thoughts (and ideas) in general. And we need to be aware that we won’t be able to do justice to them all. 

  2. The balance between finding peace/calm and “satisfaction” might be a constant struggle. 

    If I’m someone who wants to work on, express and share a lot of my ideas, but can only operate on a lower productivity than the “majority” of the people around me, I’m probably going to find myself either a. a bit dissatisfied or b. regularly overstimulated. So, yeah— I suppose this is going to be a constant struggle. I might have to REALLY ask myself what’s important.

    In other words, sustained peace might also be a bit elusive. I imagine it’ll be a regular dance of arousal and calm as opposed to just staying calm for a whole day, for example. 

  3. I need to not use social media as a way to calm myself down. 

    This one isn’t sad, it makes sense actually, and I need to work on this anyway. I was checking Instagram a lot throughout the morning and even after waking up but by the afternoon, I felt completely depleted even though I didn’t really do anything exhausting or tiring, really. I’ve noticed that I end up feeling not very great if something important to me doesn’t get the response I expected. I’ve talked about this before, but this is my reminder. Definitely need to be cautious about this. 

  4. Paying attention to and not compromising on sleep will be of utmost importance. 

    I am susceptible to letting sleep suffer if I’m really enjoying certain activities (whether it’s hanging out with friends or really getting in the zone with something creative etc). However, I need to remember that that short-term gratification is NOT worth fucking up your entire next day. We’re pretty good at accepting that that’s true for things like work and partying (for example) but I need to remember it applies to almost everything. Except like really urgent situations. (Health-related, etc). 

Okay, this is all for now, I imagine I’ll be talking more about this regularly. Like I said earlier, bear with me! And if you’re HSP too, let me know! 

065b – building virtues 

I often talk in detail about my vices on here. But the other path to self-improvement is (of course) also building virtues. And that’s understandable, some of my vices were bigger (or more important for me to look at) than these “lacking” virtues. I also felt like reducing certain vices might automatically help me be better at certain things. 

And maybe, to an extent, that’s true. 

But I really want to list down some of the qualities I really want to keep in my conscious realm so that I can regularly work on them in small or big ways. 

Patience (and Curiosity)

This is the more urgent, most important one for me. I think I have improved on this a lot already, but there’s so much more work to be done here. 

I find myself getting really antsy whenever I feel misunderstood, or understood but “not fast enough”. I even want to be calmer during discussions that are important for me. I want to use more “I” statements as much as I can. I want to approach conversations from a place of curiosity and understanding, and not just attempt to disagree and talk about what “I” think.

I think some of the other things that I’m doing will also help with this a lot (and will feed into them as well). For example, getting better at instruments, getting better at my “worldly” desires not being met (right away, or at all). 

(Heated) group discussions or arguments with people I care about is where this bothers me the most because I just end up feeling bad about both the aspects— 1. That I lost my cool and 2. That I might have hurt or made someone else feel bad.

I know it’s okay to “feel” strongly about certain things, but overall I really want to get better at hanging around in the space between the feeling and the response. That’s where all the magic lies, I think. 

Discipline 

I’m actually not very sure about this yet. I am certain this is important and can play a big role on my overall productivity, satisfaction and general health (physical and mental). 

When I say discipline I primarily mean sleep. Everything else I’m still okay around. 

But there is also this very real thing that I really am naturally more productive post noon. Earlier, I used to think this is a circadian rhythm thing but here in India there’s also very real practical factors around it all. There’s definitely a lot more distractions during the day-time (especially noise and domestic workers coming in and out sometimes). I get a good amount of work done from 10pm-2am. 

The only way productivity would remain the same if I were to shift my sleep schedule is if I were able to wake up by 8 am latest. This would mean sleeping by midnight latest. Don’t think that’s something I can do at the moment. But I suppose I can still set a limit of 3 am on the “when should I sleep by?” question. This involves getting enough of writing, music and reading done in the day for me to feel satisfied.   

Time-Management

Since I’m not yet ready to cut out some of the things I’m wanting to fit into my day, the only other option I have is to get better at “managing” my time. I know that I need at least one (ideally two) focus blocks of 2-3 hours in a day. This means no people, no texts, no social media, etc. I get one block from around 2-5pm on most days and I get another from 10-2am. These two blocks, ideally, can be enough. 

Okay, just updated my calendar. I think I need to get stricter with keeping this updated. 

Organisation 

This I suppose is the sister virtue to time-management. Here’s what’s been working so far: 

I’m satisfied with my “noting down” ideas pipeline. 

When it’s thoughts I just drop them in my Notes app (mostly on my phone) OR sometimes if I’m not using my phone I’ll use my journal. And I regularly scan my journal for any leftover ideas and transfer them to my Notes app. 

When it’s music stuff or if I don’t feel like writing I simply use voice memos. This works fine too.  

Also sufficiently satisfied with tracking my expenses. 

Only other thing that eats up some time and bandwidth is planning for social outings. I do of course like to spend a good amount of time with friends and family and planning for that sometimes gets to me. But I don’t think I can change this TOO much right now, so maybe it’s fine. Maybe working on time-management might just suffice.