A puff, two, four. His first cigarette of the day, two, three. A honk, two, a few too many. He finishes his pack, he wishes he had another. The car in front of him finally moved an inch, two.
There wasn’t much in the world Aakash really cared about, but he valued being there for his friends. He was finding it terribly hard to accept that his best friend was struggling to get through a depressive episode at home and he might not be able to make it in time to help. He tried calling him. A ring, a text. Voicemail. A prayer. ‘Fuck’, he swore.
He’d never been so upset about being stuck in Delhi traffic, even though he complained about it everyday, ever since he’d started driving. For all his promises about how he’d get out of the country soon, he knew he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to leave. There was a reason he hadn’t talked to his manager about potentially quitting soon. He had the options, he had the admit letters in his inbox, starred and marked unread for him to access easily, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready. For one, he genuinely didn’t like the thought of leaving Dev alone. He knew he wouldn’t be alone alone, but he also knew that none of their other friends really understood Dev’s struggles as well he did. They never seemed to have the same sense of urgency, the same sense of concern. Dev had never said anything though, of course he never would, they both knew they were adults with their individual, independent hopes and dreams.
A sigh. The traffic was finally moving and he was breathing a little normally again. He typed another text: “Yo I’ll be there in 10, you hanging on?”. A familiar swoosh told him it was delivered. He found himself speeding, touching numbers even he normally wouldn’t. He knew he was creating quite a bit of anger in people as he passed them, but he believed he was justified. They didn’t know what he knew, he thought.
They didn’t know what it can mean to not make it somewhere in time. They didn’t know what regret can do to someone. They didn’t know about the promises he’d made himself that one night. The night his life had, for the lack of a better word, changed. The first time he’d lost someone. Really lost someone. They didn’t know the value of time. They didn’t know that sometimes you have to push aside rules for things that really matter. For people that really matter.
‘Fuck’, he swore again. His rumination over the past wasn’t helping anyone right now. He finally slammed on the brakes. He’d reached Dev’s apartment building. He haphazardly parked the car and ran upstairs. Knock knock knock knock knock. He rained a swarm of knocks all over the door. He tried the doorknob, realized it was open and blasted inside.
‘You could have replied to my texts, bitch!’, he yelled at the empty living room. ‘Dev! Dev?’, he continued to yell and seek. He entered his bedroom and finally saw him sitting on the floor, staring into nothingness. Not an unfamiliar sight. A breath, two. A sigh of relief.
‘Hey, buddy’, he sat down next to him. He exhaled a few more breaths. He knew he’d made it in time.
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