Tag: vacation

040b – how do you like to travel?

I dream of a vacation where I don’t have to worry about little things the night before it begins. I’d have an easy morning, actually have breakfast, have enough time to dilly-dally and then finally begin my journey, which wouldn’t be a long one. It’d be a 2-3 hour drive to maybe a small village in the countryside. I’d be able to check into the guesthouse that I got from wherever with a key that was left for me under the doormat. The guesthouse would already be stocked with some basic groceries like bread, butter, eggs, coffee and milk, sufficing for at least the evening and the next morning. (I just realised I’m describing a famous five holiday lol) 

Instead, I worry a good amount the night before. Responding to the airbnb host about our check-in time (because not all airbnbs are self check-in), web check-in, the remaining 30% of my packing, waking up on time. I wake up later than I wanted so I’m not able to squeeze in a coffee or a snack before leaving my house. 

My relationship with travel is kind of mixed. I think my peers like it way more than I do, and I do sometimes feel pressurised by the push for it. But I do love many things about venturing out of your daily life, I love that I’m a little more open as a person when I’m traveling, I love that traveling is one of the ways to ensure that you’ll have experiences that wouldn’t have had otherwise or could have planned for. Some of my best memories with people I like have been on trips. 

But because I have an anxiety disorder, the cost to all of this is not low. It means I’m fairly anxious ~2/x days (because taking flights is almost always a high anxiety activity for me). And while some of the things have gotten a lot better than even 3-4 years ago, overall I’d still say it’s like being in a more fragile or “at risk” state when I’m traveling. If things go well, it’s all good, but if something goes wrong it could affect me in ways that I can’t always predict. 

But like I said, even as I write this, I’m realising just how much things have gotten better. I’m learning that I like mixed itineraries, I like having some rough plans but with enough room to change them. I like traveling with people who can be a little accommodating of me and my preferences. (Of course, I make sure to tell them this beforehand) And I’m also learning how to communicate to my travel buddies when I beed something specific (this could be simple things like time or space or just more patience for my emotions from their side). I like that spending time with someone you already know and like but “in a different place” adds a lovely new dimension to the relationship. 

I’ve also gotten better at tuning out of work as soon as my break begins. Most of all, I’m learning to not worry about the “relative value” of an activity. ie “Travelling seems to make my peers really happy but for me it’s always mixed feelings”.  I’m learning to focus on the absolute value of it, ie only for me, in my context. It’s a highly personal thing and I’m allowing myself to treat it that way. 

029a – platonic intimacy and friendships

We don’t always get what we want. But we get other things. Other things that sometimes end up being silver linings. 

I took a somewhat spontaneous weekend trip with few of my friends from grad-school this week. I’d never realized how platonic intimacy has many similar stages like romantic intimacy does. The obvious, tangible things like shared spaces, shared bathrooms and beds. But more than that, the smaller things – the newer fights, some of them caused by unsuspecting jokes, the small adjustments to each others’ habits. Quirks. The privilege of getting to see each others flaws. The vulnerability that comes with telling someone you’re a late sleeper. The vulnerability of being cranky when you haven’t had your day’s coffee. Then there’s the meditative moments when you all sit around someone packing their suitcase on the last night, watch them slowly fold their clothes, one piece after another. You realize how much at peace you all can be, together. Nobody says anything until it’s done and everyone suddenly realizes how magical the moments that just passed had been.

I’m all for virtual friendships and long-distance relationships, but I’m realizing that some dimensions of intimacy can only be achieved by spending actual time with people. I think throughout school and college, some of this happen pretty automatically, since trips and spending time with each other is kind of a default. But as adults, some of us often have to be a bit more deliberate about it. Glad to be able to do it though! 

In general, it’s been a great year for friendships for me (of course, being single will do that to you anyway). But I have realized that I’m much more social than I used to think, and it’s been fun to lean into it. Though one new concern that’s come up for me is whether having “more” friends can affect the quality of friendships? (I mean obviously, but I wonder what the numbers are.)
I was definitely a believer of “quality over quantity” earlier, and though I have liked increasing the quantity so far, I don’t want the quality to be affected.

Am I making “enough” friends so that I don’t have to face disappointment when someone is unavailable etc, or do I just genuinely like having that many friends? I think it’s okay when I have multiple friends for different purposes, like enjoying different kinds of activities or when people fill different roles for me, but having multiple friends for similar purposes and roles might be an overkill. 

My eventual goal though is to reduce my dependencies on social media and have just enough close friends that I can keep in touch with them and be able to reach them through the older mediums of connectivity. This should provide a good enough upper constraint, I guess. 

Anyway, that’s all on this. Onwards.