Sometimes all you need (or want) is for someone to tell you “It’ll all be okay”. I’ve been feeling pretty shitty since the last couple days, but just now as I reached this conclusion, I do feel better. Like yes, I know from past experience that things do work out and things do feel okay, eventually, even if that “okayness” doesn’t come in the form you might have thought it will.
Even though I’ve tried to be more action-oriented over the week, I still have this feeling that I’ve been spending way too much time in my head, I don’t know how to describe it exactly.
Went for a poetry workshop/slam type thing yesterday and I feel like that really ended up overstimulating/overwhelming me. (It was great! And met some really cool people! So) Very fulfilling, but yeah I feel like these kind of events can end up becoming heavy sometimes. Especially if I already had too many feelings going into the thing.
I think I’m still adjusting and getting comfortable with “Delhi”. I’d started feeling gloomy randomly around 6pm yesterday when I realised it was dark already and that it must be getting kind of cold outside (it’s started to get a bit chilly here). So, yeah, I think the adjustment can be a pain. No, it’s most definitely a pain.
I think I’m at a decent state with the nicotine addiction now. It’s been a month and although I’ve had a couple slips, they didn’t end up being relapses, and I feel like mentally, I’m still okay with the concept, don’t feel the urges as often, and can mostly remind myself that I would hate to relapse— so, let’s not.
But because life is still incredibly hard and I feel far away from being a self-adjusted individual, I know I need to seriously start thinking about which addiction to tackle next: ie my unhealthy sleeping habits, “thinking”, or caffeine. Sleep has definitely made life hell over the last couple days so ideally I should focus on this, even if it’s not fully resolved, if I can even make it a little better for the “short-term”, that could be nice. The other motivation to want to do this is that with the onset of actual winters, getting enough sun will not be easy, so needing a good sleep schedule will become extra important.
The lack of a “job” has started to feel a little heavy this week. But I feel like that’s just the resistance showing up, because this week has been mostly feeling a lot more motivated about spending time on creative work. And although I don’t deny that I’d want to find a day-job sometime next year as well, I don’t know why my brain wants me to “urgently” worry about it, when there’s no need to. So yeah, I think that’s the resistance. (“Resistance” as described in “Do The Work”)
Anyway, writing this down was nice and helpful. Hope your weekend starts off better than mine!
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